I start my weekly chemo session tomorrow. I am becoming a little nervous. Not so much for the actual chemo session, but for the side effects. It is hard to think about all the effects that I had the last time and not be scared that they will happen again. Dr. Sharma and Peg (the head nurse) assure me that it shouldn't be nearly as bad as it was in the summer/fall, but I cannot help being unsure. I am constantly praying that they aren't as bad, and I know that even if they are, I can handle them.
The thing that upsets me the most about having to start chemo again is the possibility of not being able to teach. Teaching 7th grade math is my life. It is my passion and I LOVE doing it. I just feel like if I can't do it, what do I have? I know that I should not even be worrying about this right now. It is all in God's hands. He is in complete control of my life. I am staying positive and keeping my chin up. Whatever is supposed to happen will happen.
I stumbled upon a verse in Mark 5 this week that has stayed with me. But let me give you a little background on the chapter first...Jesus is talking to a crowd of people and a sick woman has just touched his clothes. Instantly she was healed. Jesus stopped speaking and asked the crowd who touched him because he had felt some power go out of him. Eventually the woman fell at Jesus' feet and admitted that she had done it. Jesus then said to her that because of her faith she was healed.
The next thing that happens is that Jesus overhears a group of people tell a a synagogue leader that his daughter has just died. He turns to him and says, "don't be afraid; just believe." He then follows the man to his home and tells him that his daughter is just asleep. Jesus goes into her room and tells her to get up. She got up and walked around!! He raised her from the dead!!
Wouldn't it be so amazing not only to be in the same room listening to Jesus speak, but to touch him and instantly be healed. Or to have him raise a family member/friend from the dead?! I can't imagine what it must have been like. Amazing!
So, the verse that struck me in this story is when Jesus told the synagogue leader "don't be afraid; just believe." I feel like he tells me that too. I believe that I am going to be healed. I believe that I am going to be able to keep teaching. I believe that I will live to see 80 years old.
The peace that has come over me has been tremendous....very powerful. Other than being a little nervous about the side effects I am going to face in the weeks to come, I'm good. I am ready to start this battle and get the foreign beasts out of my body!
Please keep me in your prayers. Pray specifically that the side effects are minimal, my white blood cell counts stay up, and I am well enough to go to school.
Thanks...I will post again soon and let you know how things are going!!
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