I am in much better spirits tonight. My stomach still feels bloated, but I am not letting it get me down.
This morning was a little rough because I didn't sleep much last night, for whatever reason. I wasn't in pain or anything; my body just didn't want to let me sleep. When I got to school there were some of my vigilant prayer warriors ready to pray with me. What a blessing! After that, my day turned for the positive. I made it the whole day at school!
I must say that I am very sick and tired of fighting this battle. I wish that God would just take it away from me and heal my body of all the cancer. I know that He will do what is in His plan and at His time. I just have to be patient, keep the faith, and remember that He is with me.
I will keep fighting because I am not ready to give up!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Week Three Wednesday
I'm very uncomfortable right now. It isn't back pain this time, it is my stomach. I feel so bloated. It amazes me because I feel so huge, like I am going to pop. It makes me nervous. I'm sure that I am not any bigger than I have been, but it sure does feel like it.
Sometimes it is so hard to stay positive and not cry. It is times like this that I find myself asking God "why me?!" I know that He has a plan for my life and that it is being worked out, but I don't understand sometimes why it has to be filled with so much pain and suffering.
I guess I just have to remember Romans 5 from yesterday, that "suffering produces perseverance." I just have to try my hardest to remain positive and persevere. God loves me, He never leaves me, and someday I will go to live for eternity with Him in heaven.
Isaiah 53:4 "Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows."
Sometimes it is so hard to stay positive and not cry. It is times like this that I find myself asking God "why me?!" I know that He has a plan for my life and that it is being worked out, but I don't understand sometimes why it has to be filled with so much pain and suffering.
I guess I just have to remember Romans 5 from yesterday, that "suffering produces perseverance." I just have to try my hardest to remain positive and persevere. God loves me, He never leaves me, and someday I will go to live for eternity with Him in heaven.
Isaiah 53:4 "Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows."
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Week Three Tuesday
Hmmm...what can I type tonight?
My doctor's appointment went pretty well yesterday. Dr. Sharma said that my stomach felt softer to him than it had last time. That is good news. Although the effects of this chemo might not be fully evident until 3-4 rounds, Dr. Sharma said that after the next round of chemo I would have a CT scan to see what was going on. He wants to see if the tumors are still growing, or if they have stayed the same size. that CT scan won't be until the week of June 9th. Keep praying that the chemo is working and the tumors are shrinking!
My white blood cells had come up quite nicely. They were pretty high, which is good, because they should still be up next week for chemo. My platelets are on their way up, which is also a good thing. My hemoglobin was still pretty low, right on the border of needing a transfusion. Dr. Sharma actually gave me the option of getting blood or not today, based on how I was feeling. Yesterday I was still very tired and a little short of breath. Today though was a totally different story. I woke up very energized and not short of breath at all. I called in sick last night, just in case I needed to get blood. It was nice to sleep in and relax all day. Tomorrow is back to school. (only 9 1/2 days left ~ whoo hoo!)
Evenings this week have been rough. My back discomfort has been pretty great. It seems like the medicine that I take to help eleviate the pain takes quite a while to kick in. For that reason, I am looking forward to chemo next week...the premeds help keep my back from hurting.
I have a picture in my bathroom that has a very applicable Bible verse on it.
Romans 5:3-5
"...but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, who he has given us."
When you are faced with sufferings, you have two choices: Fight or Flight...
Sometimes when I sit in the chemo room and listen to the women around me, I wonder how they can fight this disease without the Lord. I don't know for sure who is a believer and who isn't, but some of the women you can tell aren't. I know for a fact that I could not fight this without my faith. Verses like Romans 5 give me such strength. Although I have the support and prayers of all of you, more importantly, I am in the palm of God's hand. He never will put me down. That fact is so comforting!
I thank you for your continued prayers and support. I can feel them...each and every one!
My doctor's appointment went pretty well yesterday. Dr. Sharma said that my stomach felt softer to him than it had last time. That is good news. Although the effects of this chemo might not be fully evident until 3-4 rounds, Dr. Sharma said that after the next round of chemo I would have a CT scan to see what was going on. He wants to see if the tumors are still growing, or if they have stayed the same size. that CT scan won't be until the week of June 9th. Keep praying that the chemo is working and the tumors are shrinking!
My white blood cells had come up quite nicely. They were pretty high, which is good, because they should still be up next week for chemo. My platelets are on their way up, which is also a good thing. My hemoglobin was still pretty low, right on the border of needing a transfusion. Dr. Sharma actually gave me the option of getting blood or not today, based on how I was feeling. Yesterday I was still very tired and a little short of breath. Today though was a totally different story. I woke up very energized and not short of breath at all. I called in sick last night, just in case I needed to get blood. It was nice to sleep in and relax all day. Tomorrow is back to school. (only 9 1/2 days left ~ whoo hoo!)
Evenings this week have been rough. My back discomfort has been pretty great. It seems like the medicine that I take to help eleviate the pain takes quite a while to kick in. For that reason, I am looking forward to chemo next week...the premeds help keep my back from hurting.
I have a picture in my bathroom that has a very applicable Bible verse on it.
Romans 5:3-5
"...but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, who he has given us."
When you are faced with sufferings, you have two choices: Fight or Flight...
Sometimes when I sit in the chemo room and listen to the women around me, I wonder how they can fight this disease without the Lord. I don't know for sure who is a believer and who isn't, but some of the women you can tell aren't. I know for a fact that I could not fight this without my faith. Verses like Romans 5 give me such strength. Although I have the support and prayers of all of you, more importantly, I am in the palm of God's hand. He never will put me down. That fact is so comforting!
I thank you for your continued prayers and support. I can feel them...each and every one!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Week Two Friday
I've made it to Friday of this second week. It has been an up and down week. My counts were too low to go to school. I was exhausted and needed to stay home to rest. I received shots everyday. My hemoglobin was up and down...almost to the point of needing a blood transfusion. My platelets dropped down to double digits, when they should be above 140 or so.
Today's blood test had pretty good results. My white blood count has really come up quite a bit; even so I need to get shots over the weekend. Peg just wants to make sure it gets up high enough before my next week of chemo. My hemoglobin still isn't where it should be, so I just need to take it easy this weekend. Platelets are still low; hopefully they will start to come up over the weekend.
Even though it has been an up and down week, I have kept in mind that God is in control. He knows what my counts are going to be before the blood is even pulled from my body. Isn't that amazing? God knows every thought in our minds, every step we are going to take, and everything that is going to happen to us. He is an amazing and powerful God. I am so thankful that I do not have to worry about my life. He has me in the palm of his hand.
Psalm 103: 2 "Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits"
Today's blood test had pretty good results. My white blood count has really come up quite a bit; even so I need to get shots over the weekend. Peg just wants to make sure it gets up high enough before my next week of chemo. My hemoglobin still isn't where it should be, so I just need to take it easy this weekend. Platelets are still low; hopefully they will start to come up over the weekend.
Even though it has been an up and down week, I have kept in mind that God is in control. He knows what my counts are going to be before the blood is even pulled from my body. Isn't that amazing? God knows every thought in our minds, every step we are going to take, and everything that is going to happen to us. He is an amazing and powerful God. I am so thankful that I do not have to worry about my life. He has me in the palm of his hand.
Psalm 103: 2 "Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits"
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Week Two Day Three
I went to school this morning, but after going to the doctor's office for a blood test I had to go home because my white blood cell count was too low. I don't want to be at school with 1000 kids and their germs - who knows what they have and what I could catch. My body is compromised right now and cannot fight off simple infections, so I am best to be away from large groups of people.
I am still going for daily shots to help boost my white blood cells. Hopefully by Friday all the shots will have started working and my counts will be up.
I am in good spirits. I know that this is just a part of what chemo does to my body, so I just have to grin and bear.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I am still going for daily shots to help boost my white blood cells. Hopefully by Friday all the shots will have started working and my counts will be up.
I am in good spirits. I know that this is just a part of what chemo does to my body, so I just have to grin and bear.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Monday, May 12, 2008
Week Two Round One
My first week of five chemo treatments is over. I survived. It actually wasn't too bad. I didn't have any negative side effects during the week. I really felt pretty good.
This past weekend wasn't too bad either. I was (and still am) extremely tired and my back/side pain has come back. If this is the worst of it, I can definately handle it.
I went to the doctor's office today for a blood test. Of course my counts have dropped, but they aren't too low. I was still able to go to school today. Peg, the head nurse, thinks that my counts (white blood cells) are going to continue to drop as the week progresses. I was lucky enough to get two shots today to try to help build up my white blood cells and hemoglobin. I have to go back every day this week to get shots. I am not looking forward to it, but it is something I have to do.
Please pray that my counts don't drop too low. Thank you!
This past weekend wasn't too bad either. I was (and still am) extremely tired and my back/side pain has come back. If this is the worst of it, I can definately handle it.
I went to the doctor's office today for a blood test. Of course my counts have dropped, but they aren't too low. I was still able to go to school today. Peg, the head nurse, thinks that my counts (white blood cells) are going to continue to drop as the week progresses. I was lucky enough to get two shots today to try to help build up my white blood cells and hemoglobin. I have to go back every day this week to get shots. I am not looking forward to it, but it is something I have to do.
Please pray that my counts don't drop too low. Thank you!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Day Three Round One
Day three is over. Still hanging in there. Not seeing any side effects yet. Praise God for that!
Feeling bloated from the fluids I received. Nothing I can't handle. Hopefully by morning it will be better. It was this morning, so I will hope and pray that it is the same tomorrow morning.
Don't really have much else to say, but thought I would let you know I am doing well tonight.
Listening to praise and worship music as I sit here and type. Music is powerful. The words to some songs are so meaningful and inspiring. Right now, Barlow Girl's "Never Alone" is playing. A good reminder that we are never alone; God is always right by our sides.
Again I leave you with a couple of verses...
Psalm 66:19 "God surely listened and heard my voice in prayer."
2 Corinthians 4:17-18 "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
Good night...
Feeling bloated from the fluids I received. Nothing I can't handle. Hopefully by morning it will be better. It was this morning, so I will hope and pray that it is the same tomorrow morning.
Don't really have much else to say, but thought I would let you know I am doing well tonight.
Listening to praise and worship music as I sit here and type. Music is powerful. The words to some songs are so meaningful and inspiring. Right now, Barlow Girl's "Never Alone" is playing. A good reminder that we are never alone; God is always right by our sides.
Again I leave you with a couple of verses...
Psalm 66:19 "God surely listened and heard my voice in prayer."
2 Corinthians 4:17-18 "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
Good night...
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Day Two Round One
First, I want to thank all of you out there who have made the committment to pray The Lord's Prayer for forty days. I truly appreciate all your prayers. If you have no idea what I am talking about, check out the comments on the entry entitled "Friends."
Today was day 2 of my chemo. I have 3 more days to go this week. I am feeling pretty good. So far, no side effects. Although, now that I have said that, they will probably come on. :)
Yesterday at school was a really long day. I was so anxious to get to Dr. Sharma's to start my chemo. It was almost as if I was excited to start it. I know that is a weird thought, but I was ready. Sitting around since Thursday knowing that I have these tumors growing inside of me was pretty intense. I felt so helpless.
I am very positive and confident that this chemo is going to be effective in shrinking the tumors.
Peg, the head nurse at Dr. Sharma's office, told me today that she was worried about me because most likely my white blood cells are going to drop really low. That is definately something I am not looking forward to because it means SHOTS and NO SCHOOL! Dad told me not to start worrying about it now because it is only Tuesday. He is right. I just have to take things one day at a time and roll with the punches. I think I do a pretty good job of that, but when I think of low white blood counts I remember back to last summer when I was stuck in my apartment all by myself because I couldn't go around people for fear of infections. (Sorry for the run-on sentence)
Well, since today is Tuesday and I have a few days left of treatments, I am just going to focus on the positives. I feel good. I still have my hair. I am still strong enough to go to school...I even taught today!! (I haven't been teaching because I have a student teacher, Judy, who is AWESOME! What a blessing to have a student teacher during this time!) I have tons of people surrounding me with their love, support and prayers. I have a wonderful God, who never leaves me. What can be better than that?!
A verse from my devotions last night was so reassuring to me:
Psalm 30:2 "O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me."
It is awesome knowing that David was able to pray that to God. And I am sure that there are so many others who have the same prayer. It will be me in the not too distant future. God is going to heal me!
I will leave you with the following verse...even though it is often hard to do during tragic times, it feels so good...
Psalm 9:1-2 "I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High."
Today was day 2 of my chemo. I have 3 more days to go this week. I am feeling pretty good. So far, no side effects. Although, now that I have said that, they will probably come on. :)
Yesterday at school was a really long day. I was so anxious to get to Dr. Sharma's to start my chemo. It was almost as if I was excited to start it. I know that is a weird thought, but I was ready. Sitting around since Thursday knowing that I have these tumors growing inside of me was pretty intense. I felt so helpless.
I am very positive and confident that this chemo is going to be effective in shrinking the tumors.
Peg, the head nurse at Dr. Sharma's office, told me today that she was worried about me because most likely my white blood cells are going to drop really low. That is definately something I am not looking forward to because it means SHOTS and NO SCHOOL! Dad told me not to start worrying about it now because it is only Tuesday. He is right. I just have to take things one day at a time and roll with the punches. I think I do a pretty good job of that, but when I think of low white blood counts I remember back to last summer when I was stuck in my apartment all by myself because I couldn't go around people for fear of infections. (Sorry for the run-on sentence)
Well, since today is Tuesday and I have a few days left of treatments, I am just going to focus on the positives. I feel good. I still have my hair. I am still strong enough to go to school...I even taught today!! (I haven't been teaching because I have a student teacher, Judy, who is AWESOME! What a blessing to have a student teacher during this time!) I have tons of people surrounding me with their love, support and prayers. I have a wonderful God, who never leaves me. What can be better than that?!
A verse from my devotions last night was so reassuring to me:
Psalm 30:2 "O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me."
It is awesome knowing that David was able to pray that to God. And I am sure that there are so many others who have the same prayer. It will be me in the not too distant future. God is going to heal me!
I will leave you with the following verse...even though it is often hard to do during tragic times, it feels so good...
Psalm 9:1-2 "I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High."
Friday, May 2, 2008
Friends
I have an AMAZING circle of friends!
They are so uplifting and supportive. Words cannot express how thankful I am for them or how much I love them! God has truly blessed me by putting them in my life.
It seems to me that they each know exactly what to say or do when I need it. Even when I don't think I need anything, they do something and I feel better instantly. Just knowing that they are in my corner, helping me fight this battle, makes me want to keep fighting with everything I have.
To each and everyone one of you, you know who you are, I love you oh so very much! I thank you for all the things that you have done to help me fight this battle. Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulders. Thank you for keeping me positive when I start to get down. Thank you for helping get my mind off of things when I need that. Thank you for our dinners out, our game nights, and our text messages back and forth. Most of all, thank you for your hugs, smiles, and prayers.
I love you guys!
They are so uplifting and supportive. Words cannot express how thankful I am for them or how much I love them! God has truly blessed me by putting them in my life.
It seems to me that they each know exactly what to say or do when I need it. Even when I don't think I need anything, they do something and I feel better instantly. Just knowing that they are in my corner, helping me fight this battle, makes me want to keep fighting with everything I have.
To each and everyone one of you, you know who you are, I love you oh so very much! I thank you for all the things that you have done to help me fight this battle. Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulders. Thank you for keeping me positive when I start to get down. Thank you for helping get my mind off of things when I need that. Thank you for our dinners out, our game nights, and our text messages back and forth. Most of all, thank you for your hugs, smiles, and prayers.
I love you guys!
Thursday, May 1, 2008
CT Results
Many of you have already heard what the results of my CT scan were, but for those of you who don't know...it was not good news that I heard today.
The chemo that I have been on for the last two months has not been working. The tumors that I have inside of me have grown. The doctor didn't say how big they are, but by the size of my belly, I would say that they have grown quite a bit. He said that my abdomen is swollen because of the tumor's growth, not any fluid or anything else.
I feel like I know my body pretty good and for the first month I think the chemo was working, or at least trying to work because I didn't really have any bloating and I felt pretty good. But for the last two weeks, I have been starting to bloat and just not feeling right. I honestly think that over the last two weeks is when these nasty little beasts started growing.
The new plan to battle this cancer is that I will be starting a new drug on Monday afternoon. It is administered byt giving me half an hour of pre-meds, then half an hour of the chemo, for a total time of an hour. Not too bad. I will get that same hour of meds for five days straight (a week), then I get two weeks off, and we start over.
The nurse told me that the doctor will see what happens week by week or round by round and decide as we go when I will get my next CT scan. It should be pretty easy to tell if it is working by how my abdomen reacts. I would guess that if it starts to go down the tumors will be shrinking.
The side effects are pretty much the same as all the others...possible hair loss, dropping of white/red blood cell counts, dropping of platelet counts, extreme tiredness, nausea, etc... As you see I started with the hair loss thing...I hope to keep my hair still. The nurse told me that the people that are currently on this drug that she knows now all have their hair. So I am hopeful.
I plan on receiving this chemo after school each day and I am going to try to go in every day as I have been doing. My principal and co-workers have been so supportive of me during everything. They were really wonderful today when I went in after my doctor's appointment. Everybody has surrounded me with their love and support.
I have been all over the map emotionally today. But, I am doing well. I have dried up all the tears I could cry and I am just ready to get started so my abdomen starts to shrink! I have faith in God that he is in full control and my life is already planned out. He knows whether or not this chemo will work and what the next weeks hold for me.
I know there are many prayers going up for me and I am so appreciative of them all. Specifically, please pray that this new chemo is effective in shrinking the tumors, that my white counts don't drop too low, and that my hair doesn't fall out. Thank you!
"For nothing is impossible with God!" ~Luke 1:37
The chemo that I have been on for the last two months has not been working. The tumors that I have inside of me have grown. The doctor didn't say how big they are, but by the size of my belly, I would say that they have grown quite a bit. He said that my abdomen is swollen because of the tumor's growth, not any fluid or anything else.
I feel like I know my body pretty good and for the first month I think the chemo was working, or at least trying to work because I didn't really have any bloating and I felt pretty good. But for the last two weeks, I have been starting to bloat and just not feeling right. I honestly think that over the last two weeks is when these nasty little beasts started growing.
The new plan to battle this cancer is that I will be starting a new drug on Monday afternoon. It is administered byt giving me half an hour of pre-meds, then half an hour of the chemo, for a total time of an hour. Not too bad. I will get that same hour of meds for five days straight (a week), then I get two weeks off, and we start over.
The nurse told me that the doctor will see what happens week by week or round by round and decide as we go when I will get my next CT scan. It should be pretty easy to tell if it is working by how my abdomen reacts. I would guess that if it starts to go down the tumors will be shrinking.
The side effects are pretty much the same as all the others...possible hair loss, dropping of white/red blood cell counts, dropping of platelet counts, extreme tiredness, nausea, etc... As you see I started with the hair loss thing...I hope to keep my hair still. The nurse told me that the people that are currently on this drug that she knows now all have their hair. So I am hopeful.
I plan on receiving this chemo after school each day and I am going to try to go in every day as I have been doing. My principal and co-workers have been so supportive of me during everything. They were really wonderful today when I went in after my doctor's appointment. Everybody has surrounded me with their love and support.
I have been all over the map emotionally today. But, I am doing well. I have dried up all the tears I could cry and I am just ready to get started so my abdomen starts to shrink! I have faith in God that he is in full control and my life is already planned out. He knows whether or not this chemo will work and what the next weeks hold for me.
I know there are many prayers going up for me and I am so appreciative of them all. Specifically, please pray that this new chemo is effective in shrinking the tumors, that my white counts don't drop too low, and that my hair doesn't fall out. Thank you!
"For nothing is impossible with God!" ~Luke 1:37
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