A Weird Week

Another week has passed. I am that much closer to being done. Thank God!!

I had hoped to teach on Thursday and Friday since my counts were up on Monday. But as it has been with my body, the weird thing it is, they were down on Wednesday. Thankfully though, they were not down nearly as low as they have been in the past, so I was able to go out a little bit! The nurse hesitantly gave me the ok to teach on Thursday, but I didn't take her up on it. Since the weather has been so goofy here, I didn't want to risk being around students/teachers with colds. I figured that I could hold out until Monday. It was rough though, I was climbing the walls at some points during the week.

Yesterday's blood test results still were down a little bit, thus I am having more shots over the weekend. By Monday my white count should be up quite a bit....at least that is the pattern my body has been following. I was kind of down about those results. It is just so frustrating to not have any control over something so pivotal to being healthy.

I was able to meet Judy, Laura, Michelle, and Stefanie (my teammates at school) for lunch at our Friday staple, Taco Bell. Seeing them and hearing about what was going on at school definately boosted my spirits. Thanks gals!

This week has been an other example of how God has challenged me to rely completely on Him. And He has made sure that I know that He is in control of my life. I can make all the plans I want for my life, but if they are not in His master plan, they aren't going to happen.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

Monday's Test Results

I just got home from the doctor. My CT Scan came back with very good results. It showed nothing abnormal. Thank you for all your prayers!

My blood test also came back very good today. My white blood cells, hemoglobin, and platelets are all within the normal range! My red blood cells are just a little bit low, but that is nothing to worry about. I have to go for a shot tomorrow and a second blood test on Wednesday. If my blood test is still good on Wednesday, I plan on going to school Thursday!

Please keep me in your prayers!

Saturday Morning

I don't really have anything to say, but for some reason I just felt like typing something.

I went for my CT Scan and Muga test yesterday. As far as I know they went alright. I probably won't get the results until mid-week next week. I am ok with that. A very wise man told me that God already knew the results before I even had the test. That is so true. I guess when you think about things like that, what is the point of worrying? Wether I worry or not, it isn't going to change the outcome of the tests. So, I try not to let worries creep into my little bald head.

Now you should be laughing, because if any of you have seen my "little bald head" you will know that it is in fact a little bald head. I have to buy petite hats, and those still are big on me. Sometimes I feel like a little kid who has "borrowed" her mom's hats. My wig had to be fixed and sewn to fit my head, which I still feel like it is a little big. I know, I know, many of you think that I am cute with my bald head...but I am here to tell you it is an inconvience. It gets cold when the wind blows and hot when I am laying in bed. The only good thing about it is that my shower time has been DRASTICALLY cut down. I don't have to wait for shampoo and conditioner to rinse out of my long locks.

I am confident walking around my house, the hospital, or the doctor's office with a bald head, but I am not able to just go out into the world with nothing on. A bald woman is not normal in our society. No big deal, I am used to that. Well, one day, I was talking to my sister on the phone, when the other line rang. I clicked over and it was Mike's son, Michael. He needed a ride home from football practice. So, I told him I would be right there and clicked back over to continue the conversation with my sister. I grabbed my purse, threw on my shoes, and was out the door. As I approached my car, I noticed my reflection in the window. I WAS HATLESS AND HAIRLESS!!! I started laughing and told my sister what I had done. She burst into laughter too. Thank goodness I was wearing a hoodie sweatshirt, so I was able to just put up the hood. I don't think I will ever be comfortable being bald out in the world.

You know what else is a really big pain in the butt?! Food. I have normal cravings and desires for foods that I have liked in the past. But as soon as I put them in my mouth...BAM...disgusting. Nothing tastes the same. It really stinks. It makes eating very hard to do, especially during my week of chemo and the second week. A funny thing though, for any of you who have had a CT scan you will know what I am talking about. Well, when you have a CT scan you need to drink this nasty white liquid so it can outline your insides or something like that. Well, I have had to drink it many a time in the last couple of months and let me tell you, it is horrible. But, yesterday when I drank it, it wasn't too bad. I almost thought to myself, "hey this is kinda good." Almost...I definately would have blamed it on chemo brain if I did. I sure hope that my taste buds go back to normal when my chemo treatments are over. I really miss ham and cheese sandwiches!

I hope that I was able to bring a little smile to your face. I know that throughout the writing of this blog I was able to laugh at myself. I know that I have done and said many funny things throughout this process. My family tells me of all kinds of humorous things I said when I got out of surgery the first week. If you talk to my dad, ask him about me worrying that he was going to get arrested that first night in the hospital. Or ask Kevin about Sponge Bob in the painting. What a hoot! Life is too short to not laugh!

Until next time...I love you all and I am grateful that you take the time to read these blogs I produce. Peace!

One Treatment Left to Go!!

I cannot believe that I only have one treatment left to go through. It is so amazing! For as much time has passed since this whole ordeal started, it seems like it was yesterday that I received the terrible news.

Honestly, I know that I would not have been so strong or so at peace with this whole business if it wasn't for my faith in God. There is no way that I could make it through any of these treatments without Him walking with me. Our God truly is amazing! I am so excited to wake up each morning to see the sun shining and hear the birds chirping (or the cars driving by). Some days are harder to make it through than others, but never once have I wanted to give up. I have a lot of living left to do! There are so many things I want to see and do! I know that I will be able to do them all!!

I have learned that life is short and you need to make the most of every minute of every day. Make sure you take time out to tell people that you love them. You never know when you won't be able to do that.

Thank you all for your support and prayers. I truly am so thankful for each and every one of you! I love you all!

The Middle of Round Five

It is Tuesday morning and I don't have to be at chemo until 10:30. It was nice to be able to sleep in a little more and not have to rush around to get ready. Yesterday's chemo went alright. They gave me some medicines which made me very sleepy. I was completely out of it! I was still out of it yesterday evening. I guess Mike called me a bunch of times, which I didn't hear my phone, and then he was so worried he actually came over to check on me. I was fine, just sleeping.

I woke up this morning feeling a little nauseated. I haven't felt like that on a Tuesday morning before, but as they say the side effects build as your treatments go on. I have taken some nausea medicine already, so hopefully I can keep it at bay.

For this round of treatment they knock out two of the six medicines. Hopefully that will help next week not be too rough. I am keeping my fingers crossed and lifting prayers.

I did have some not so good news yesterday while at the doctor. My CA125 test, which is a blood test to see the level of cancer in your body, was up quite a bit from where it was the last time. It had been going down every time, but this last time it went up. The doctor was a little concerned by the results and I have scheduled to have a CT scan of my abdomen and pelvis, just to make sure there is no new tumor growth. The doctor did say that there were lots of other things, not just cancer, which can make that test have high readings. I am hoping it is one of those factors, not cancer. Please keep me in your prayers...I am very nervous about this.

I know that God is in control and that no matter what is going on with me, He is walking with me. That gives me peace, but sometimes the worry just sneaks in.

A Week of Teaching

Today is Friday and it comes with mixed emotions. I have the typical, "thank goodness the weekend is almost here" feeling and I am saddened because my week of teaching is almost over. But God has blesssed me with the strength and opportunity to be able to work, even if it has only been a week, and for that I am so thankful!

It has been truly amazing to be back in the classroom! Teaching is something that I love to do and this week is no exception. It has been so rewarding to be back doing "normal" activities. It almost makes me forget what the last three months have been filled with...almost.

My students have been wonderful. The group of kids that I have in each class seems like it is a good mix. They all seem to get along with each other. They have been good about following directions and doing homework. I know it is only the second week of school and that will probably change a bit in the weeks to come, but for now, I'll take it!

Of course I have packed in as much as I possibly can to this week. I had open house Tuesday night, so that was a long day. I had a mentor meeting after school on Wednesday, which made it an other long day. Needless to say, I was tired Wednesday night. Thursday morning was a staff meeting, at which I was honored with the "faculty fish of the month" award. Basically, just a teacher of the month award. The previous month's award winner picks who the award goes to and I was the lucky one to receive the fish picture to display this month. She wrote a little blurb about why she chose me and it was so touching.

I am truly looking forward to my next week of teaching, and more importantly, being back in the classroom for good! Treatments are winding down and I will be there before I know it!

The Toughest Week Yet

High fever. Throwing up. Dehydration. Low white counts.

Those things brought me to the emergency room last Wednesday afternoon. When I arrived at the ER my fever was near 104 degrees. They got me in to a room right away and started running various blood tests and xrays. The only thing they were able to find was a little bacteria in my urine. That's it! But since my counts were so low...like 0.1...my body couldn't control or fight it. Thus I was admitted to 5N that night. I guess if you need to be admitted to the hospital that is where you want to be. Wonderful, caring, funny nurses.

I was throwing up most of Wednesday night and since I hadn't been able to keep any food down all day, there wasn't much to throw up. I was given some medicine for nausea and by 3am my throwing up had ceased. I was then able to get a little sleep.

I woke up Thursday morning to get my blood taken for testing. The results showed very low white counts, lower than ever before, 0.05. And low hemoglobin and platelets, which meant I needed a transfusion. So, my Thursday was spent receiving platelets and blood. Thank you to all of you who are donors. Your blood may have helped me out this week!

Now my throwing up had ceased, but I started having diarrhea. I don't know which is worse. Well, they wanted to make sure that there was no infection there, so they took a sample and had it tested. Thankfully that checked out fine. My fever was gone and I was feeling pretty good. Thursday night was uneventful other than getting up to go to the bathroom almost hourly, or at least that is what it seemed like.

Friday my counts were still all really low. But my white cells had come up a bit, to 0.4. I had still been getting my favorite shots to help boost those this whole time. Since my platelets were low, I have nice bruises on my arms to show exactly where my shots were given! My doctor came in and said that my hemoglobin was still pretty low, not low enough to automatically transfuse, but if I felt like I needed it, he would give me more blood. I took it. So my fun Friday night date was getting more blood.

Saturday morning I woke feeling good. I was positive that my counts would be up and that the doctors would let me go home. Unfortunately they had other ideas for me. They wanted me to hang out just a few days longer to make sure the counts all kept heading up and that there was no infections in my intestines. I was given medicine to help slow the diahrrea down. It worked! They also started me on an antibiotic to kill any infection I might have.

Since I was feeling so good Saturday I started to get really bored and felt like I was climbing the walls. I wanted out! But I wasn't allowed to leave so I spent the day watching college football games with my dad. Well, he watched the football games while I napped, played games on my cell phone, and sent text messages. :)

My blood test on Sunday morning was a promising one. My white counts were way up as well as my hemoglobin. My platelets were still really low, but not low enough to transfuse. When the doctor came in I was excited to hear that he was letting me go home! I have to watch carefully for signs that my platelets have dropped even lower and I am on two oral antibiotics, but I am out! I am free!

I was able to enjoy the sunny Sunday afternoon. I didn't do much because I was tired and sore from laying around in the hospital for four days, but it felt so good to be home. I am glad that today is Labor day because I need one more day to rest up for my first day of school tomorrow. I am so excited! I am going back to teaching tomorrow! Don't worry! I am not going to over do it and if I get too tired I will ask for somebody to take over. But I need to go. I need to do it for me. I need to do it just so I have some connection to the normal outside world.

Being a cancer patient is often a very lonely thing. There are weeks where it is difficult to have a good connection with the "outside" world because my counts are so low or I am feeling so crappy. That's just the way it is. But I am never alone even during those lonely times. God is with me. And I am so thankful for that!

I have two rounds left and I am praying that they aren't nearly as bad as this last one was. For these last two rounds, two of my six chemo medicines are taken away, which means I will only receive four. And, I think but I am not sure, that the remaining four are modified a little bit dosagewise. Regardless, I HAVE TWO ROUNDS LEFT!!! That is so exciting for me! Today is September and I will be done with chemo in October. That is next month! You don't know how happy that makes me. I am crying tears of joy right now as I type. I am so ready to be done!

Thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers. Please keep them coming!

"I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." Phillippians 4:13