New Pic

The white and grey dog is Elliot. The black and tan is Phylis. Unfortunately I couldn't get the picture to stay centered so you can't really see Phylis. Sorry

Home Again

My CT scan seemed to have gone alright this morning. I won't find out the results until I go for my exam on Thursday morning.

After my scan I went to school, but I wasn't feeling too good. Drinking that nasty stuff really does a number on my system. I was able to stay half a day, but just didn't feel right so I left early. Obviously I didn't sleep well last night, and that mixed with a fever and a messed up stomach, school was not the place for me.

It really frustrates me that I am not feeling great this week. It is my off week from chemo and I feel worse than I do during the chemo weeks. I am still running a slight fever and I am bloated. I know that it is only Tuesday and the week is young, so I hope that my fever breaks and I start to feel better. I don't want to waste this off week not feeling good.

Can't Sleep

It's late, I'm tired, yet sleep will not come. I am fighting a fever and it is breaking, so I am sweating like crazy. I have taken a couple of different things to help bring sleep, but they are not working.

I have a CT scan in the morning, so I had to drink this nasty liquid before I went to bed. I also have to drink more of it in the morning. I am anxious to get the results from the CT scan. This is the first one since I started chemo. I am praying that the tumors have shrunk. My exam with Dr. Sharma is Thursday, so I will have the results back then.

I am so bloated. It's uncomfortable. It's a side effect from the chemo. Many of my clothes are not fitting properly anymore. They are tight. It's frustrating.

My favorite song just came on the radio. I'm tired. I need to sleep.

One More Thing

Before I try to sleep...I want to thank everybody who leaves me comments. Thank you for those that make me laugh, those that warm my heart, and those that bring tears to my eyes.

Your posts remind me why I keep battling and fighting to be cancer free! I want to spend many more years on this earth with you as my friends!

I also want to thank those of you who don't leave posts, but say a prayer for me when you read what I have written.

I am truly blessed to have friends and family like you all! I couldn't ask for any better people in my life. You all hold a special place in my heart! And I know for a fact that I could not make it through this battle without each one of you!

May God bless you each in a special way! I love you!

Not Tired

What a difference a day makes! It is after 11 o'clock at night on Tuesday night and I am NOT tired, not even a little bit. I have to blame it on the steroids that I am taking though. Ask anybody that is around me on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, or Thursdays...they JACK ME UP! I am a random motor-mouth that just doesn't stop! I must say that I actually like taking them though because they help eleviate some of the bloating that I feel. Now, it doesn't go away entirely, but it makes things much more tolerable. My belly button has gone from a complete inny to almost a full outy. It is gross. Thought you'd like to know that. :)

So, here I sit...in my bed, with my laptop, listening to the radio. Sleep just doesn't want to come. I even took a pill to try to help. It could be a long night, or I could just force myself to turn everything off and toss and turn for awhile. I decided against that for now.

I have painted my toe nails three times. I just couldn't get the color right. My big toe nail is really nasty. It is almost completely black and it has a HUGE ridge in it. It is really weird. It appears as though I stubbed it really badly on something, except I don't ever remember doing that. I think it is from the first round of chemo way back last summer. But, who knows...weird...and UGLY! Thank God for dark colored nailpolish!

I think I have a little bit of heartburn. I'm not sure if it is from something I ate or a pill that I took. But whatever the cause...it is annoying.

Hmm...what else is on my mind...there is this semi-new Matthew West song that I really like. I just downloaded it on to my phone as a ringtone. Right now it is Mike's ringer because he calls the most, so I figured I would hear it the most. The name of it is You Are Everything. For those of you who don't know...Matthew West is a contemporary Christian artist. It starts with a really cool piano intro and the first few lines of the song are AWESOME, well actually the whole song is.

"I'm the one with two left feet, standing on a lonely street. I can't even walk a straight line. And everytime you look at me, I'm spinning like an autumn leaf bound to hit bottom sometime. Where would I be without someone to save me? Someone who won't let me fall. You are everything that I live for, everything that I can't believe is happening, you're standing right in front of me with arms wide open, all I know is every day is filled with hope."

Isn't that awesome!? I totally feel like I could have written that on many days. Seriously, if you get a chance, check the song out. Verse two is just as good as verse one!! It talks about life being filled with big mistakes and big regrets, but that God looks at us as more than that, as if we are more than "just a beautiful mess." I would have to say that this song is probably one of the most influencing songs in my life right now. It just gives me so much hope and reassurance that I am not alone and how messy I feel like my life is, God has it all planned out. And to Him I am beautiful and my life has purpose. What an awesome thought!

Ok, I should probably try to get some sleep. My alarm will go off before I know it and I want to be rested up for tomorrow. Chemo week three for round two. Yippee! That was sarcasm at its finest. I am not looking forward to it. The chemo part isn't so bad, it is the weekend after that can be a little hairy. The best part about this week of chemo is that I don't have to do it again for TWO WHOLE WEEKS!! That gets a WHOO HOOO!

Good night!

Tired

I barely made it to school today. I was so tired. I left early...at the half day mark. My body just wouldn't move. I was walking slowly and my side pain was still around.

I don't know what is worse, a really terrible weekend but feeling alright on Monday, or having a not so rough weekend but being extremely tired and sore on Monday still.

When I got home, I took a two hour nap and woke up feeling refreshed. I am just laying low now. I hope that by the time tomorrow rolls around I will be feeling back to "normal."

I am definately getting sick of this chemo crap. I think the part that makes it the worst to deal with is that the side effects aren't consistant. I can't tell what is going to happen from one week to the next. It would be much easier to deal with if I could.

Oh well...I keep chugging along~~~

Sunshine

Today I woke up to the sun shining brightly and the birds were singing. It is definately a wonderful spring day here in the Chicagoland area.

For this last treatment I asked the nurse if I could change my steroid dosage to see if it made a difference in how the side effects were. She told me that would be fine. It seems to have made a huge change. I have been tired and I have had side pain with major bloating, but other than that, nothing has been too bad. I have had a tiny fever to go along with those things, but honestly, I feel much better than I have the last two times.

Friday night I was able to be the "student coach" at our school's annual faculty vs. student basketball game. It was a blast. My students beat out the teachers by one point. They were very excited! I was just happy that I could be there and be feeling well enough to participate.

Friday night when I got home is when my bloating and side pain started. Yesterday I laid pretty low and I am continuing to do so today. Although with the weather so nice out today, I think I am going to go sit outside for a little bit.

Enjoy the warmth and the sun!

Attitude

Positive attitude. Cheerful attitude.

Sometimes it is so hard to feel like having those kinds of attitudes, especially when I am feeling so crappy. This past weekend was very rough on me, both physically and emotionally. I had body aches and a fever. On top of that, I just wanted to give up. I kept telling myself that this fight is not worth it. Thankfully, I have wonderful people in my life who pray and support me. No matter how down I got, they would send a text, make a call, or leave a comment on this blog, to encourage me. Honestly, I could not be doing this without the support of all of you! Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart!

It is amazing to me that just when you think that God isn't going to answer your prayers, he does. It just goes to prove that he does everything in his time, not ours. I prayed all weekend for him to take my pain and fever away. Obviously, he knew that today was the day I needed to feel good so I could go to school. Amazing!

I woke up this morning to birds singing and the sun shining! I felt much, much better. My fever and body aches were almost non-existant. I never used to think that I had an opinion when the sun wasn't shining, but now I know for sure that I do. I cannot stand it when it is cloudy! My whole attitude changes. I feel better when the sun shines. Now, I wouldn't say that I am depressed when it is cloudy, but I have a better outlook on life when the sun shines. Weird.

I know that I thank you guys a lot for reading this, your prayers, and your support. But, I truly, truly mean it. I would not be as strong as I am today without you!

Smooches!!

Round 2

So, Wednesday I started my second round of this second battle. I felt pretty good Wednesday evening and even pretty good Thursday during the day. Thursday night I started to feel really crappy. I had major back pain...like to the point where I threw up it was so great. I was finally able to keep some vicodin and sleeping pills down, so I ended up getting a pretty good night's sleep.

I made it to school today. I was tired and just pretty much out of it. I felt the effects of the chemo coming on about 2pm. I started taking tylenol to try to offset the bone pain and took a nap when I got home from school.

I feel like it is going to be a very long weekend because I am pretty uncomfortable already. My lower back hurts, my head hurts, my neck hurts, I'm not hungry, and I'm tired. I just feel like I am falling apart.

I keep asking myself why I have to go through this. Why is God allowing me to deal with such a tough situation? I'm trying so hard to stay positive, but sometimes I just can't do it. Sometimes I just don't feel like there is any hope. Sometimes I just feel so alone.

I know that I am not alone though. I know that God is with me no matter what. I know that He walks with me every step of the way and when I cannot walk on my own, He carries me through. I have to remember that as I am feeling like there is no hope, as I am feeling as if the pain will never go away, as I am feeling like I will never get sleep. At times, it is very tough to remember, but something always triggers the thought. Honestly, I could not go through this all by myself. I don't know how people who don't believe or have faith go about this alone!

Please pray for me! Thank you so much!

Tired

I am so tired this afternoon.

Mike was able to pull off a surprise birthday party for me last night. We didn't rock into the wee hours of the morning, but it went pretty late...later than I have been staying up. Then my sister, Mandy, slept over at my house, so we talked for awhile. Maybe that is why I am tired.

Or maybe it is just the busyness of the last couple of days catching up with me. Who knows...

I have enjoyed my week off from school and unfortunately, tomorrow is back to reality. It isn't too bad though because I have a student teacher who is in full control of all my classes.

This week off from chemo has been a blessing. My body has had a little chance to get back to "normal." I am a bit bloated, but I still have my hair. I'll take the bloat in exchange for the hair any day! I start cycle number two Wednesday. It will be the same as the past cycle...once a week on Wednesdays, for three weeks. During my week off I will have a CT scan and doctor exam. The CT scan should show if the tumors are shrinking, growing, or staying the same size. Let's pray that the chemo is working and they are shrinking...that is the goal.

Enjoy the rest of this sunny Sunday afternoon.

April 5

Today is my 30th birthday. It is hard to believe that I am not in my 20's anymore. I have always felt like the 30's were so far away, and look at me now...here I am...30. Weird!

I honestly feel blessed to be turning 30...with the year that I have just gone through. God has blessed me, even though I have had many trials this past year. People say "what doesn't kill you, just makes you stronger." I truly believe that saying. I feel like I am a much stronger person now, than I was a year ago. All the trials and tribulations that I have experienced have shaped who I am today, have helped me grow closer to my heavenly Father, and have helped me to put into perspective what is important in life.

When I was awakened today by Mike wishing me a happy birthday, the sun was shining brightly. I knew that it was going to be a great day! And so far, it really has! I am feeling good. I still have my hair. Mike is taking me out for a nice dinner. Then, hopefully, I will get to spend some time with my family and friends. Life doesn't get any better than that!

I love you all! Thank you for all your prayers and support over the last year!

Tuesday Night

Sorry if I made you guys nervous with my blog from last night. I'm much better tonight.

Last night was a rough one, one of the roughest I have had in quite a while. I've already been repremanded by a couple of people because I didn't call anybody. But, here's the deal, when it's the middle of the night, I don't want to wake anybody else up just because I can't sleep.

I have felt much better today. I woke up this morning with no nagging back pain. I did have a slight temperature this afternoon, but I think it has broken because I have not had one all evening. Overall, it was a pretty good day. Not really how I want to be spending my spring break, but at least I don't have to take days off of school.

I think that it has just taken a little longer for the side effects to take effect after this round of chemo. I hope this is not a trend.

Thank you for all your prayers...please keep them coming.

Happy Birthday

Today is Jennifer's 21st birthday! It is quite a milestone in her life! I wish her nothing but continued success and love! Happy birthday Jen!

Middle of the night

Ok, so it's 3am on Tuesday morning. I cannot sleep. I have taken just about every drug that is supposed to help relax and knock me out, but as you can see...they aren't working.

I had some majorly annoying lower back pain yesterday (and still). I couldn't get comfortable while laying in bed. I think that had a lot to do with it. I also had a minor fever which started to break, thus I was a sweat machine.

It has been a LONG LONG night. I guess it is a good thing that I don't have to get up for anything in the morning. Thank God for spring break!

Well, I am going to try to get some sleep. Until next time....